Mistakes

There is no such thing as mistakes. I'd rather call them experiences. Those mistakes (experiences) is what made who you are today. We all make a goof here and there because we aren't perfect, but if we were perfect - there would be nothing to learn. Create plenty of experiences, because that's how you will grow and make you unique.

가슴이 두근 두근

너를 처음 봐쓸때
너랑 처음 눈이 마줘 처쓸때
너의 목소리를 들어쓸때
내 가슴은 두근 두근

너의 손을 처음 잡아쓸때
너를 내 품애 안아쓸때
너를 바라볼때
내 가슴은 두근 두근

그렇게 사랑하고 해여질때
가슴이 찌저질때
눔물이 나쓸때
내 가슴은 두근 두근

너의 소식을 들어쓸때
너를 못볼때
너를 다시 봐쓸때
내 가슴은 두근 두근

행복할때나, 아플때나 나의 가슴은 두근 두근. 그래, 심장은 두근 두근 거린다. 그게 정상이니까.

-bronx

나쁜 남자

여자들은 꼭 착한 남자가 좋다고 한다. 하지만 꼭 나쁜 남자한태 넘어간다. 그러고 나서 핑게를 댄다..

"나한태만 나쁘지 않으면 돼"

여자들 참 웃기다.

그래서 남자들은 기역해야할것이 있다. 나쁜척하면서 착하개 구러야한다.. 여자가 해깔리게. 그래야만 승리를 걷을수 있다.

이 행동을 하두 오래 써먹어떠니.. 이재 나두 해깔린다. 난 어떤 남잔가? 오늘 흥미로운 말을 들었다.

"오빠 나빠!" 그런대 어쩜 떡처럼 붙어있는지. 30분 후 이렇게 말햇다. "오빠 너무 착한거 같아."

아~~ 해깔려..

Why is growing hair so difficult?

So for the past 2.5 months i tried to grow my hair. Grow it long enough to do the whole FOB look. My hair is semi curly, so i was going to get a straight perm or magic straight done. When i went to the salon, i was advised against doing it, simply because i would have to redo it every other month and it costs $60 - $80 for guys. I hate the fact that my hair is so stubborn and short is pretty much the only thing it's good at.

Pretty much everyone i know has told me shorter hair looks better, or makes me look younger. I guess i should 포기 the long hair.

Rant: People who try to get pity attention

Ever since i was little i was taught a little secret about getting extra attention for myself. Pity. This can be used in a few different ways, but the general method is always the same. Act or exaggerate how sick or hurt you are. This is used in many different scenarios - the most prudent - is calling in sick for work when you are fully capable of finishing a shift.

Next is going MIA so that people start to worry about you. This works best after you made a mistake and need to apologize, but don't feel like being the instigator. So, you wait and expect others to approach you first to save face.

Lastly, (and this is by far the most annoying) is a method to get pity from people who live with you. It only works this way because you need to be in constant interaction. First, you need to act sick - and take unusually long naps. Stay in your room and come out only to use the restroom. When you do come out, you must make sure not to make eye contact or talk to anyone. If someone asks you a question, just grunt and act sick. If no one pays attention to you, you need to make your presence known by grunting and sigh'ing very loudly so that everyone can hear.

These methods do the following:

1. Make the other person worry
a. Did i do something wrong?
b. Why is he/she sick?
c. Did something happen?

2. You receive pity attention
a. If you are human, you will doubtfully wonder what the matter is
b. The other person becomes a priority in your daily thought process

3. You get what you want
a. Are you a parent, and your grown up kids are behaving? Act sick until you get the results you want. Then proceed to be miraculously cured. (F*** to any of you old timers that used this method)
b. You are a gf and want to play mind games with your bf. At the end, the bf is so worried he gets whatever you want.

To top it all off, you can call yourself a professional at using the pity attention method when you are able to be the one pissed off while using it. For example, you achieved the pity attention and you get people asking you if you are "ok". You respond by purposely acting pissed off and annoyed; when in reality you are happy inside that you are getting the attention. "Don't worry about me", "Get off my back" etc. What happens next is making the other person even more nervous and worried.

My mom's side of the family use the sick/pissed off tactic very often. I've had to live with it so long that i learned to just completely ignore them. Giving them any sort of pity attention will just encourage them. Generally what happens when i ignore them, is that they get infuriated that i don't give a crap. And my obvious response is that even if i did care, they would give me the cold shoulder tactic.

If someone tries to use this tactic on you, think carefully about how to respond. You may just have to balance the volume of attention you give - or else you can fall prey to a devious devourer.

재자의 꿈. A disciple's tears

한 재자가 자다가 울기 시작하였다.
그 재자의 선생은 그를 께워서 물었다.
"왜 운우냐? 나쁜 꿈을 꿔냐?"

그는 대답햇다.
"아님니다"

선새은.
"쓸픈 꿈을 꿔냐?"

그는.
"아님니다. 달콤한 꿈을 꿨음니다."

선생은 물었다.
"그럼 왜 우느냐"

그는 대답하였다.
"이루어질수 업다는 겄을 알기 떼문임니다."

Ahh.. so sad. Here's the translation.

A disciple started to cry as he was sleeping. So the teacher woke him up and asked him why he was crying.

"Did you have a bad dream?"
"No"
"Was it a sad dream?"
"No, it was a sweet dream"
"Then why are you crying?"
"Because i know it will never come true"

인생은 즐거운것이다

인생은 즐거운것이다
시간을 다시 돌릴수 없더라도
추억이 남으니까

인생은 즐거운것이다
사랑이 떠나도
다시 돌아오니까

인생은 즐거운것이다
한 문이 다처도
더 좋은 문이 열이니까

인생은 즐거운것이다
기희를 노처도
남는건 기희니까

인생은 즐거운것이다
즐거움을 살수 없다
즐거움은 무료니까

시간이 지날수록 나는 즐겁다
울면서 지내기엔 시간이 아까우니까

긑. bronx


인생은 참 짧은 것이다. 살면서 힘든 일도 있는것이고, 기쁜 일도 있는것이다. 지금 불행을 잘 이겨내라. 산 넘으면.. 또 산이니까. 사오육팔삼구육팔

Song of the Day: Homme - I smile because i'm a man

That English translation does it no justice. The original Korean meaning of the song title refers to how guys are supposed to be macho. Smile and laugh even though it hurts.. kinda thing.

Chang Min and Lee Hyun have such good chemistry together. They sing and sound very good together. The lyrics to this song is really good too.

* 울고 싶지만 웃어주는 거야 널 잡고 싶지만 보내는 거야
화가 나지만 참아주는 거야 다 알지만 속아 주는 거야

** 남자니까 웃는거야 웃는거야 내가 남자니까

떠날 거면 그냥 가지 웬 말이 많은지 왜 내 가슴만 더 아프게 해
미안하다는 말 행복하라는 말 뭐 놀리는 건지
너 없이 어떻게 웃으라고

[*] 반복
[**] 반복

입장 바꿔 생각해봐 니가 나라면 잘 가란 내 말에 넌 웃겠니
아름답게만 정말 예쁘게만 추억하고 싶어
참을 때 떠나 정말 울기 전에

[*] 반복

참으려 해도 눈물이 나는데 하늘은 왜 이리 화창한 거야
남자라 해도 울고만 싶은데 햇살은 왜 이리 따가운 거야

[**] 반복

Translated:

~Chorush~
I want to cry, but i will laugh for you
i want to hold you, but i will let you go
i'm angry, but i'll restrain
i know everything, but i act as if i don't
i laugh because i'm a man

if you're going to leave, just leave
why do you talk so much
why do you break my heart
I'm sorry, be happy, why do u say those things?
how am i going to smile with out you?

~Chorus~

Put yourself in my shoes
can you smile after hearing breaking up?
I want to remember your charm and beauty
Leave while i'm holding back, before i cry

~Chorus~


Did these two guys.. or the song writer live my life? Jeezz.. after that awesome song "I can eat just fine", the lyrics to this song is such a big resemblance to my life. It hurts inside, but what you gonna do? Just smile and move on.

Some of you may be wondering who the actress is. Her name is Lee Chae Young. She may look familiar because she was also the girl that came out on "I can eat just fine" music video. You may also know her from another old music video from 2004 of Bi's "I Do".

Movie Review: Take me home tonight

This movie has that one guy from "That 70's Show". I can never remember his name, but the synopsis of the movie is about a guy that can't seem to figure out what to do with his life after graduating from MIT. While working at a video store, he meets his high school crush and the story unfolds about how he tries to get with her.

What made me think during this movie was how hard guys actually try to impress girls. It's like those peacocks.. the birds with the best looking feathers get to mate. Funny how the animal kingdom is all the same. Human males generally do one of the following to impress girls:

1. Looks. Hair, makeup?, muscle, clothes, swag, and even plastic surgery to get with girls.

2. Money. Does this need an explanation? Guys will make sure girls know they have money. Either with their cars, clothes, accessories, and if they get far enough - their homes.

3. Career/Status. Hey, i work for Google and have a billion stock options. Or, hi my name is Mark Z... yeah have you heard of Facebook? Status.. as in, hi i am the President of the USA.

4. If you don't have any of the preceding items, then you should hope to God that you have a good sense of humor. I don't know if i believe this, but MANY girls will tell me a guy can be ugly as hell as long as he can make her laugh. Nah.. i still don't believe you. Ok ok. maybe 50% true.

5. The guy doesn't even have a sense of humor. Wow.. then i guess it's up to his personality. If you're a girl and you've made it this far down the list.. girl.. you must be really broke in the face. Be a little more confident!

All of us guys do it. We try to strut what we got going for us. If we have multiple things on that list, then kudos! Sometimes i wonder what the world would be like if it was expected that girls hit on guys first.

Anyways, back to the movie. It was so so.. very predictable. A dozen or so funny scenes.

Rating; 6/10

Difference between liking and loving

Liking someone is being able to live with that person.
Loving someone is not being able to live w/o that person.

SoYeon from SNSD and YongHwa from CNBlue just had their last day as a married couple in the TV Show, "We got Married". One of the questions they had during their part was the question on the title. I thought about it, and the above is my personal answer.

Overall Year Summary since 02'

So, when i first started this blog, Blogger didn't have all the options it has now. Specifically the "Title" for each blog. I figured this was a good time to read over all of

my blogs since 2002 and input a title to each one. This process took a very long time.. i didn't realize how long it takes to read over 600 blog posts!

Brief run down on what happened to me these past 8 years since i started blogging here.

2002 - Moved to LA and it seems like i did not get much sleep.  This could explain why i like to sleep so much now. The theme's were pretty straight forward:
• School
• Work
• Tapioca Express
• Out till morning with friends

2003 - LA is now home and the fun times continue
• School + Work
• Disgruntled about going to LA to party
• Had to bail out a friend after he got arrested
• Computer i had for less than 2 years had problems
• Trips to SF, SD, LA
• Stopped going clubbin

2004 - This was a big year for me. Lots of things happened. Met Sunny, quit a job, got a new job, graduated College, etc.
• 23 Years old, and first time i mentioned wanting a DSLR
• Lost my wallet
• My savings were depleated
• First time regretting moving to LA
• Lost my digicam
• Lost my Cal/Federal grant
• Continuously kept using the words Jot Det Dah and ROAR
• Bjunkyard 3.0 goes live
• Got a Gmail account
• Quit Banana Republic
• Got a job at Motor Impact

2005 - One of the best years of my life. Got into a serious relationship and also got to work with Pae in the same warehouse.
• Was planning on Moving but didn't
• My cousin Romina passed away
• Had the most enjoyable weekend at Big Bear. Rented a cabin for about 13 people
• Finally tired of manual transmission and want an automatic
• Break up.. then make up.. then break up.. then make up again
• Learned to play golf

2006 - Moved back to Norcal
• Went to big bear again, it's always fun there
• 5 stitches on my finger cuz of a deep cut
• After a year at working in Fullerton, we moved to LA to open Southwest Roofing
• Kevin and Ofra got married. I was the best man
• Quit work at SWR and MI and moved back to SJ with parents. Now that i think about it, i only worked with Adam for 2 years. But it feels like i've known him forever
• Was serious about opening a Subway but eventually never happened
• Started working for my parents 4plex in San Jose as a property manager

2007 - Started working for Fox Newscorp.
• New job
• Got addicted to WoW
• I was not living a healthy lifestyle. Too much beer and fatty foods.
• Got a navigation deck on my lude
• Played a part in the district convention drama
• Bjunkyard dead. Too busy to update it

2008 - Moved to NY
• Soon after i moved to NY, my life was in hell. The first few months were great, but then Sunny and I broke up - and life there seemed meaningless. I was stuck there because of my job, and lease agreement
• My post count on this blog diminished to a halt, so i can't recollect everything that happened there
• Got a 42" LCD TV
• Built my first HTPC
• Sold my beloved Honda Prelude

2009 - Hell continues
• Life sucks. Miserable in NY. Home sick. Missing old friends back home
• The only thing that kept me alive in NY was probably video games. I made some cool friends online and that pretty much was enough to keep my head together
• Finally decided to revive bjunkyard

2010 - Quit job and moved back to LA
• After 2 years of Hell in NY, i gained enough courage to just quit work, and move back to Los Angeles
• Got a 24HR fitness membership and became serious about getting fit
• Bought a GS430
• Close friend Nancy F. passed away
• Started playing soccer and basketball every week
• Went to Redondo Beach and finally let go of a few things
• Started using Picasa
• Bought my first Smart Phone, Motorola Droid X

Success in Marriage

I heard an awesome advice today. In order to have a successful marriage, you need a pillar to keep two people together. Love alone will not be able to last forever. So what is the pillar? It can't be anything materialistic; specifically money. Cars, house, etc. are all bad. The good is things like religion, faith, hobbies, etc.

Makes sense doesn't it?

Ten Truth's of Life

Came across some interesting quotes:

1. Part of being a best friends job should be to erase the computer history if you die
2. Nothing sucks more during an argument when you realize you're wrong
3. Was learning cursive really necessary?
4. Bad decisions make good stories
5. I'm always slightly terrified when i exit out of Word and it asks me if i want to save any changes, when i know for certain i made no changes
6. I hate leaving my house looking spiffy and end up not meeting anyone important
7. Sometimes i'll watch a movie that i watched when i was younger and realize i had no idea what was going on the first time i watched it
8. I would rather try to carry 10 overloaded plastic bags of grocery than to make 2 trips to bring them in
9. The only time i look forward to a red light is when i'm finish up a text msg
10. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" until you smile and nod your head because you have no idea what was said

And.. this.

1. go to google maps
2. go to "get directions"
3. type japan as the start location
4. type china as end location
5. go to direction #43

And.. this.

What do you see?

Do You Ever Forget..

 .. Your first love?  I guess that may depend on the level of depth sought to the question.  You probably won't forget, without amnesia.  Somewhere deep in your head, you will always know.. "ahh.. my first love was xxx". 

Then how about, "Do you still think about your first love?"  Is it different for men and women?  And does time make a difference?  I would love to find a study on this subject, because i just don't know the answers.  There's all these little variables that could make it impossible to answer these questions because one could argue the variations of love each person experienced. 

Someone who says, "I never think of my first love", could simply be mistaking his first bf/gf as love - and never  had the pleasure of experiencing true love.  It could be different for everybody.   For me, i still think about her.  Sometimes i cherish the memories, other times it's painful.  I often question myself if it would be better if i could completely forget - but the answer is always no.  I would rather torture myself with the memories rather than not relive the moments in my head.

To be fair, though, it could be my loneliness talking.. if i was in a relationship right now, i highly doubt i would be thinking about my first love.  What matters is what's in front of you, not what has passed.

Jealousy is a Form of Love

Have you ever thought about this?  I always believed that to love was to not be jealous.  Yet can you honestly say that you've never been jealous?  Say for example that your bf or gf was getting attention from someone else and they were enjoying it.  Would you be jealous?  I would imagine that close to 99.9% of the people out there will say they would be jealous.  The 0.1% of the people are probably 80 years old and could care less if their partners are unfaithful.

Jealousy comes from the fact that you have something to loose.  Something you don't want to loose.  Or something you want but dont' have.  We could say you love that someone (something) so much, you become jealous.  There are also obvious levels of jealousy.  Lowest being the ones you just keep to yourself, and the most dangerous - the ones where killing is involved.

I'm not saying that jealousy is a good form of love.  If this world was perfect there would be no need for jealousy.  However, could we argue that jealousy is a form (or expression) of love?  I think we could.

In other news, sometime in July of this year Jeremy Lin from Harvard University was picked up by the Golden State Warriors.  His Taiwanese and the first US born Asian American basketball player.

 His 6'3, 200lbs and can dunk.  His pretty quick on his feet, but every replay i see he shoots and falls on his ass.  Jeremy, can you please stop falling on your ass?

You can watch some of his highlights here.

Human Nature

Interesting quote i heard today.

"Human nature.. we all want what we don't have"

In other words, when ur in school.. you want to be one of those people who have graduated and are working (making money).. while on the other hand, those folks working want to be back in school.

Kinda makes you think - it's a pretty interesting idea and i believe it's very much true.  You may not even need it.. but you want one because you don't have one.  Human nature..

Taking Back Something You Said?

I've been doing this more and more lately.. saying something, then regretting it.  Today i met an acquaintance from childhood and here's the dialogue:

Me: "Hi, it's so nice to see you"
Him: "Yeah, good to see you too"
Me: "So how's your daughter?  Does she have a kid yet?"
Him: "Oh you don't know.. she got a divorce"

Awkward silence...

Then i remember that i knew i heard the news before, but it just slipped my mind.  I need to think more before i talk.  But sometimes, when you want to say something and hold back, u miss the moment to say it.  Arrg.

The Best Revenge?

Something interesting i read recently.

"The best way to get revenge at someone, is by living a happy life"

Kinda makes you think doesn't it?  Instead of having malicious thoughts of violence, just continue living a good life.  A good happy life.  This does bring up a question though.

1. Is it important for that person to see you living this happy life in order to fulfill the revenge?  Make them regret and pound their chest with anguish? 
2. Must you forget about the thoughts of revenge to live a happy life?
3. Does your happiness need to be larger than the other person?

I sorta understand what it means - yet it's confusing when you ask the above questions.

This all came about after watching a Korean drama called 남자 이야기 (Man's Story) aka Slingshot.  The story resolves around revenge, but the protagonist is this really "nice" guy that is portrayed to be too much of a saint.

For example, he is betrayed by his lover as she goes off and marries his enemy (the one that killed his brother) - yet he still worries about her and helps her.  It was so frustrating watching this ridiculous fiction.  I wanted to bash the monitor!

This drama put a bitter taste in my mouth.  Crappy ending.  I would have preferred a total victory from the protagonist.  With the psycho business man losing all his money and living in a shack eating trash for dinner, and his betraying wife following him around with a shopping cart.  I feel so cynical right now.. haha.  Freakin drama's making me think...

True Love?

Is there such a thing as true love?  Or is it just lust and companionship?  After much alcohol consumption i came to realize that women in their early 20's generally look for true love - but near their 30's they'd rather have stability.

I guess that doesn't make much sense - kinda hard to put into words.  I honestly don't think most women look for love when they are around their 30's - and rather look for men who they feel would give them the most security in life and make everyone happy.  Hence the wise words of "good guys finish last".  The guys that don't have much to offer other than money.  You know.. the geeks that make $$$ who end up with a really hot girl.  Does the girl really love him?  Some could argue that they do.. but I respectively would argue the topic.

Some girls i talk to agree with me, they straight up say, "i'd rather have a man that can support/provide my financial needs when i'm ready to wed..."  This brings up a huge question.. how the hell do you fake it?  The rest of your life is a total lie.  You're not really in love, but you are stuck with that person for the rest of your life (unless divorce is an option).  Isn't there more to love than the modernized meaning of the word?

Once in a blue moon, i do see two people whom are madly in love that get married and live happily ever after.  This is so rare though.  The women in particular that i stereotype in this blog are Korean women.  Not to say other ethnic women aren't shallow, but i think Korean women are really high on the shallow-meter.  This is a really good thing in some ways for Korean men.. who have lots of money.  Just watch out.. the woman ur about to get married to - probably was a freak (unless that doesn't bother you).

I know soooo many Korean girls that were total freaks 10 years ago.  Now they are married to a guy they would have never noticed at a club (nor given them their phone #).  This world we live in.. is all about money.  Sure.. money can't buy happiness.. but guess what - it will bring you 100x more chances at happiness than the douche that has no money.

Love is for fools.  Live for your own happiness and make sure you get a prenuptial agreement.  If going out with a girl that only likes you cuz you buy her nice things makes you happy.. do it.  Just don't be an idiot and believe her when she utters the words, "i love you".  I love you, is code word for, "i want you to buy me the new Gucci bag that came out".

Scared to Change?

Adventure..
Security..

Fear..
Courage..

Commitment..
Determination..

Out of those 3 sets of words which would you pick?  I've been thinking about how i feel about my current position in life and how I have been scared to change.  I realize that i am the type of person that enjoys commitment and having security over adventures.  This all came about when i was deciding to quit my day job.

Most ppl will agree with me that you've thought about the following questions:

1. Do i enjoy my job?
2. Does my job make me happy, and if no, is there something else out there?
3. What if i can't find a new job?

To be honest, this recent decision to resign from my job wasn't as easy as i portray.  I do have my fears about finding a new job and having to move back to California.  I would have to make sacrifices that i wouldn't have had to if i just stayed in my current position.  I wouldn't have minded staying if i was able to get a transfer to Cali -  but that never happened.

The behind story about the scenario is that before i moved to NY, there was a few promises made to me.  First, there would be new hires that i would need to train in the NY office.  Second, after a few years and things settle down, i had the option to move back to Cali.  And lastly, i would be paid $2k for moving expenses.  Well, it's been 2 years, and neither of those promises panned out - so i ultimately resigned with a bitter taste in my mouth.


In the end, there was one question i really had to ask myself.

Happiness?  Security?

Having a stable job with flexible income is nice.  But lately, i have been miserable living in NY.  Since getting xfered wasnt' an option, i had to choose.  Do I choose to be happy at the expense of not knowing the outcomes of the near future?  Or do i just stay miserable and choose security at my current desk job?

What was the bubble breaker?  It's the fact that life is too short.  I had a dream about being 50 years old, miserable, in the same job and lonely.  But hey!, i had a lot of money.... then i woke up.  I'm almost 30 now.. i started Bjunkyard back in 1996 in good old Geocities!  It's been over 14 years and time has surely flown by.

It probably wont' be easy in the current market conditions to find a well paying job, yet i'd rather take that chance than waste more of my time being lonely here in NY.

2 more weeks.  I got my plane tickets from Virgin America for $129.  My last day here will be 3/30.  I should start packing/selling stuff.