Rant: People who try to get pity attention

Ever since i was little i was taught a little secret about getting extra attention for myself. Pity. This can be used in a few different ways, but the general method is always the same. Act or exaggerate how sick or hurt you are. This is used in many different scenarios - the most prudent - is calling in sick for work when you are fully capable of finishing a shift.

Next is going MIA so that people start to worry about you. This works best after you made a mistake and need to apologize, but don't feel like being the instigator. So, you wait and expect others to approach you first to save face.

Lastly, (and this is by far the most annoying) is a method to get pity from people who live with you. It only works this way because you need to be in constant interaction. First, you need to act sick - and take unusually long naps. Stay in your room and come out only to use the restroom. When you do come out, you must make sure not to make eye contact or talk to anyone. If someone asks you a question, just grunt and act sick. If no one pays attention to you, you need to make your presence known by grunting and sigh'ing very loudly so that everyone can hear.

These methods do the following:

1. Make the other person worry
a. Did i do something wrong?
b. Why is he/she sick?
c. Did something happen?

2. You receive pity attention
a. If you are human, you will doubtfully wonder what the matter is
b. The other person becomes a priority in your daily thought process

3. You get what you want
a. Are you a parent, and your grown up kids are behaving? Act sick until you get the results you want. Then proceed to be miraculously cured. (F*** to any of you old timers that used this method)
b. You are a gf and want to play mind games with your bf. At the end, the bf is so worried he gets whatever you want.

To top it all off, you can call yourself a professional at using the pity attention method when you are able to be the one pissed off while using it. For example, you achieved the pity attention and you get people asking you if you are "ok". You respond by purposely acting pissed off and annoyed; when in reality you are happy inside that you are getting the attention. "Don't worry about me", "Get off my back" etc. What happens next is making the other person even more nervous and worried.

My mom's side of the family use the sick/pissed off tactic very often. I've had to live with it so long that i learned to just completely ignore them. Giving them any sort of pity attention will just encourage them. Generally what happens when i ignore them, is that they get infuriated that i don't give a crap. And my obvious response is that even if i did care, they would give me the cold shoulder tactic.

If someone tries to use this tactic on you, think carefully about how to respond. You may just have to balance the volume of attention you give - or else you can fall prey to a devious devourer.