I want to be a success!

I've been procrastinating. I need to start on that damn essay. I went to VR for the first time in a while yesterday and it was same'o same'o. Nothing changed.. still the same scene with the same ppl. I realized once again why i stopped going. I think the best times to go clubbin is on a special occasion with all your friends. A batch of guys isn't much fun.

Other than that, i have been thinking about my life - and how maybe i should drop out of College and use the time i have to start a business, help my dad's business, try to get hired as a college drop out, or move back home and leech off my parents. Haha.. i dunno. You know those success stories you watch on TV? Those ppl just decided on something spontaneously and did it. Like one guy went from Texas to LA with $100 bucks on his pocket and became a millionaire by taking some chances. These ppl just had nothing to loose.. and lived life by it's last string. I wanna be a success story. But i'm so lazy.

Corny Poem

It's been a long time seen I've been out to LA.. I've been just working hard these days studying and working at BR. I guess not partying around has given me a lot of time to think and just reminisce about the past. I came around a zipped file that was in my computer for a while. A memory i have been trying to forget. But i realized that instead of forgetting i should leave it at that.. a good memory.

During the days that i was in total uncontrollable love, i got a weird emotion of poetics. I wrote a poem for a girl once.. it was the only poem i have ever wrote for a girl - and i wish to write it here and share it with some of you.
--------

If i was the earth,
i would write love songs in the sand

If i was water,
i would cool you with my soothing touch

If i was fire,
i would burn forever to keep you warm

If i was the sky,
i would use the clouds to powder our love

If i was nothing but a man,
i would undo myself to be with you

But i realize i'm not just a man
because i'm with you.


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I did some pretty corny stuff back in those days. i sorta miss them while other times i think it was just silly. Who would have known it would have came to this. These korean dramas i've been watching have been giving the motivation to become a more charismatic person. "bun ee gee it nun namja"

Two of my co-workers quit the other day.. Raul and Eric.. whom i was pretty close with. I will miss them since they made my day go by faster @ work. There's a lot of new ppl at work these days after we finished our holiday hiring. Some of them seem to be coo while others are pretty stuck up.

I'll try to update more frequently.. i forgot half the things that happened during the past few days.. hmm.. wait, nothing happened - which is the reason i don't remember anything.

Mariposa

damn.. thursday was badass.. lots of fun at Mariposa. I'm sure to go there again.

Fri, just rested all day and did some chores around the house like laundry, dishes, etc. I went to UCLA to visit my cousin Hoon.. and that's it.

Sat, went to Shik Do Rak with Simon, Jinah, James, and Jay. Good food.. i'm stuffed.

Won a shirt @ BR

Haven't posted in a long time.. what has been going on. I can't think back too far. Just been staying at home these days trying to save some money for a trip to korea or sumthin. A lil tired of the whole clubbin scene and wutnot.

I won a stupid contest at BR.. so i get to pick a free dress shirt which is about $68.. not bad huh? Kinda like a bonus which is nice. I never win anything too..

I finally bought some "korean" ramen instead of that american ramen u buy at the grocery store.. sooo yummy! Koreans sure know how to make ramens. I've been watching the new drama with Kim Hee Sun.. and she is very pretty. wow. 0_o

My cousin Hoon came down from SF to UCLA.. so i should go visit him soon. Ugh.. i can't remember much of anything else right now.. what the heck have i been doing? Went drinking with Mike and Pae yesterday and met a few of mike's friends and went singing too. Oh man.. i know i can't sing.. but i was hitting the right notes last night w/o my voice going stale on me. Felt good..

Back with old friends

Went drinking last night with the boys.. it's been a while that we've done this. The only person missing was Eric.. who lives in LA now. Simon, Jay, Pae, James, and I went to 5th wave and drank a grip of kkang soju.. it went down so easy last night. It tasted like water. I got pretty drunk when we went to karaoke.. and felt sick. I was okay though.. had a slight headache this morning, but it was because i didn't have dinner the previous night.

I cooked BAB today.. then studied before i had to work. Nothing exciting at work.. and now i'm home. I should sleep soon so that i can go to school early tomorrow and find a decent parking spot and study in the library.

Thinking out loud

You know when your life is starting to change and you want it to change, and you try to change it.. yet your so deep into shit that it's pretty impossible to change it or ever go back. I'm stuck right in the middle. Who am I? What is my purpose here on earth? Do i need to strive to succeed? Why? All this energy ppl use in their daily lives.. for what? To progress the human kind?

I feel like my identity is lost. Stolen.. or whatever. I feel like a different person, but is it for the better? I tried to change.. since June. It's hard though.. i don't think i progressed much when i look back @ myself these days. Life is frustrating isn't it? If the bible is true, and when you die, u are an unconscious soul in the grave that has no thought or feeling - how great that would be? But i'm scared of death. No worries, no regrets.. just peace with yourself. Just the thought of it is relaxing.. when i die, i hope i die on a death bed where i go quietly and take my last breath sleeping.

Why do some ppl born in this world with everything just handed to them while others (like ppl in Africa) are born to suffer? Why am i here? Why was i put into this situation and to do what? Why does it seem like a lot of ppl around me have everything going for them while i'm in the mist of a median. I feel regret, guilt, remorse, the feeling that i have been forgotten by ppl i used to know for years.. the feeling that someone else took my spot ever since i moved away or started to stray away.

I guess i put this upon myself.. and it's all for the better that i stay away from those ppl and not inflict on their lives as i would in such a negative way. You're probably wondering wtf i'm talking about. Don't worry about it - i'm trying to clear my head right now. I don't even know what sense i'm making by writing this. The best thing to do.. is forget. Good thing we were created so that we are able to forget or block memories from our minds. It's too late to go back.. the only thing left is to move forward. Ppl say, you never know what you've had until you lost it.. which is very true.. but once you've lost it.. dont look back. If you do.. it'll just create pain.

I should do this.. i should do that. Fuck it. I'll just let my life ride the waves of this chaotic world and take me where it has to.

Yong over to visit

What have i been up to since the 28th...

29th

Yong came over cuz it was his bday on the 28th so we hung out and he got to have his little vacation. It was coo having him around for the past 4 days cuz there was somebody home waiting for me after work. It's a good feeling.. i guess maybe that's why ppl have pets.
We went to Prive but we couldn't get in for some stupid reason i will not disclose. So we went to Pointe instead, and had a relatively good time.

30th

I had to work 9 hours.. so Yong stayed home most of the day. We went to Tapioca Express with Pae after i got home, and went to PC bang afterwards and that's about it.

31st

had to work again, and i was pretty tired after work, so we decided to just hang around the house after we went to eat some wack ass Chinese food. Their beef tasted bitter sweet cuz i think it was too old. Came home, and i watched some TV while Yong played WC. He stayed up all night watching movies and playing video games.

1st

I had to work again in the morning! Isn't life grand? Work so much when a friend is over. Anyways, i went to work and got back to find Yong just waking up. haha. We played some more WC.. then went to Cerritos to meet Mike Judy and Pae to eat some Korean BBQ. Came home and went to bed.

2nd

Yong went home, while i went to school.


Bleh.. i left so much detail out. I can't remember all of it. I know that Yong got a parking ticket cuz i forgot there was street cleaning on Tuesdays. DoH! $30 but i told him i would pay it off.
My professors seem to be pretty intimidating. They told the entire class that if anyone who hasn't finished the pre requisites, should drop the class now, cuz nobody in that situation has gotten a grade better than a C+. WTF. Bastard. My other Prof. told me i couldn't enroll cuz i didn't do some of my lower division units. I told him it's cuz i transferred over. That idiot.. he better not drop me cuz i already bought the books.

Money.. another damn issue. Tuition and Books are just killing me this month. I might have to ask my mom for more money or something, cuz i'm running lower and lower.. and lower.

My Armani watch broke on me.. stupid thing.. I'm sending it back tomorrow. Me and Yong played a lot of WC when he was over. HE also watched all my movies on my computer. hah. Also we watched all of Forever Love VHS which took yong about 20 hours. Sung Yuri JJANG!

I think that's about it for now.. i can't remember anything else that's interesting.