I guess school really does something to you. I actually remember "enjoying" writing all these emotions and thoughts and being able to organize what i wanted to say in my head. Now my head is just all "bleh".. confused and complicated like a big blender.
I envy those people who posts pictures everyday on their xanga or blog. How do you find the time and patience to upload them, and write codes to post each picture? OH yeah.. not to mention you have to resize it. I am so lazy these days.. SO lazy.
Been seriously contemplating about getting a bike. Been shopping around on the web and there are some good deals out there for $3000 range, yet if i do get a bike, i realize there will be so much excess bills.. not sure if i'm ready to take on that task. But November is probably the best time to buy since people might not want to put their bikes into storage in winter. That's what the links on my previous post was.. how to buy a bike. I should read up on that.
Reading my past posts.. i came to think my life hasn't had that many BANGS.. but there were many good and bad times. Actually more bad than good.. my life sucks. What? Your life sucks too? Hey! Join the bandwagon! I'm just a middle class green card immigrant in the US trying to make a living and not being able to enjoy my youth. I'm at work 5 days a week and don't do anything else these days.
I haven't wrote here in so long i don't even know who reads this anymore. I actually don't care anymore either, just be sure that if i write something personal in here and it's out on the 5o'clock news.. imma come hunt u.
My top 5 fastfood and food.
5. Jack in the Box - Sourdough Jack. Spicy Chicken. Curly Fries. Probably the 3 best things that came out of a box. Sourdough bread.. yum! Spicy Chicken.. it's not that spicy but it's good all white meat! Lastly, who can forget their Curly fries? Everybody loves curly fries.. it's just that it's expensive!
4. Farmer Boys - Breakfast burrito. Actually i had this for the first time per Pae's recommendation (we both love breakfast burritos) - but it's bomb. Salsa, bacon, eggs, hash brown, cheese.. drool~~ farmerboys.com for a location nearest you. While on the subject, the best breakfast burrito as of date is at a Honda Dealership on a a-la-carte van.. you know those vans that drive around commercial areas cooking in the rear of the van.
3. Carl's Jr. - Western bacon cheeseburger with Chili cheese fries. Ok.. nuff said. They practically commercialized the onion rings in the burger. The chili cheese fries is also very good. Not the best - but other places don't even have them so it's a bonus point for them.
2. In and Out - #1 animal style with no pickles. This is the one burger i don't mind having with lettuce. The lettuce actually makes the sauce taste better! Grilled chopped onions and that grade A meat. The fries are fresh.. but not that tasty.. but it's all about the burger anyways.
1. McDonalds - #2 Cheesburger meal with no pickles LARGE size with diet coke. McDonald may not have the best meat or sauce.. but the simple cheeseburger is BOMB. Loved it since a little kid in Brazil. The combination of their tasty fries also just makes this the number 1 pick!
Wow.. that was random. Your probably wondering about the dates i posted up. Those are the dates i broke up with my gf. We got back together twice.. but this last one.. might be permanent. You see here's the story - i'm not the one to say who's right and who's wrong.. but her dad is nuts. It's been a while i wrote anything more than 3 paragraphs.. let's see if i still have some writing skills. Imma spill my guts here.. been a long time huh blogger?
Where should i start?.. i should divide these into chapters.
Peter's little love story
In 2001, during a regular day my mom started bickering about a girl (my mom likes to compare me with other kids and tell me stories in a "bragging" sense about how other kids do so well and blah blah blah) who was extremely smart, a pianist, and did extremely well spiritually. The girl was none other than a long time friend of my father from Korea. She was studying in the east coast but was visiting her parents at San Jose.
Brief background: Her parents moved to the states in 2000 i believe to get away from IMF and the bad socialization of Korean politics and lifestyle. Their daughter was sent to the states during high school so that she can study abroad as an international student (which rich kids do in Korea). I'm not sure how close our fathers were but they were friends. That family came to the states looking for a new start.. ironically i believe (i don't know details) my father help them start their own gardening business.
Anyways, my mom kept bickering and complementing the daughter about how great she was. Oh not to mention that she was also very pretty. I hate it when my mom does this.. i don't like it when she praises other kids in front of me. Kinda put me in a jealous position and a direct hatred towards the person she talked about. Then she tells me their family and ours were gonna go eat dinner together. Hmm.. i don't like awkward places with ppl i don't know - so i didn't want to go.
But my curiosity got the best of me and i wore my good dress shirt and went to dinner. We ended up eating out at a Korean BBQ place. As soon as i got a peak at her.. WOW.. she really was beautiful. Yet.. the whole evening i couldn't get her to make eye contact with me. She just kept talking to my sister all night and i ended up staying quiet and eating. How sad. I actually got pretty upset.. she was showing no interest and i didn't want to pursue something that felt no mutual connections - so i was fuck it and wondered why i was wasting my time eating dinner with strangers. I got up during mid dinner and told them i wanted to leave.. yes.. VERY rude.. but i was blunt like that back then.
I just walked out.. while her parents were in awe.. and my parents were probably a bit embarrased. I called my friend John and he picked me up and we went to shoot pool instead. That was the first encounter. You may not believe this but i was pretty fit back then.. about 150lbs and had a 6 pack. I had so much self-esteem i figured there were other fish in the sea.. yea i had rights to be stuck up back then. Now is a whole different story but let's not get into that.
That was that.. i never saw that family again - and she just went back to the east coast. in between that time and the time i met her again - there was obvious dramas in my life - but that's a whole other book i'd have to write.
Two years had passed and i wasn't even thinking about it until in 2003 i was viewing my sisters pbase gallery and found her picture during the 2002 convention with my sister. Wow.. it was her! And being able to stare in my monitor for a few minutes and actually get a good look at her again i was synthesized into a little particle that was attracted to her. Yes there was physical attraction. Just my type. This is when i started looking forward to summer 2004 convention where i knew i'd probably get to see her again.
D-Day came and i got to see her. HAHA.. gosh i was like a little boy getting all fluttered and butterflys running all over. I ended up bribing my sister into asking her to eat dinner with a bunch of teenagers. Yay for me.. we went to Rain Forest Cafe and i got to sit next to her. HAHA.. what a perfect schemed plan.. that is until we started a conversation. Gosh - a comm major and i couldn't really keep anything going. Here's a brief summary after i got my personal pizza served.
Me: "Hey do you want to share my pizza?"
Her: "I dont' like pizza" .. shutter.. utter silence.
Me: "Hey so you from Korea and you seem to be able to handle your liquor, how many bottle of soju can u drink?"
Her: "What?" utter disbelief i asked that question.. and her utter disbelief that she was asked that question.
From then on it was all down hill.. i kept telling myself "game over" .. haha. I shuckle while reminiscing those days. I kinda realized i had no chance from what perspected at the restaurant. Ok that's fine.. Whatever. I kept trying to make other convesations but she wasn't into it. Simple answers of "yes" "no" and not making eye contact with me. Sigh.
We went back to the hotel that night for coffee.. and i ended up paying. WTF. Ok.. that's fine too - and i made a few jokes and got her to laugh. But i was still pretty upset about the whole ordeal at the restaurant and figured she had NO interest in me whatsoever so i decided to just give up.
The same year in 2004.. my sister got married! yay for my sister. So in December 22nd, i went up north to help with wedding plans and whatnot. I found out she was going to be the pianist for the wedding. Score. I get to see her again and maybe strike a conversation. I can't count how many times i must have thought in my head about what to say to her and how i can even manage to maybe just be friends.
In 2004 she had moved to California from the east coast after finishing her 4 year college degree to get a masters in SF.
We went to the congregation for a rehersal .. and there she was on the keyboards practicing. Didn't get a chance to talk to her though.. was so awkward and didn't even know if she remembered me. Rehearsal was over and we decided to go eat **my dad's treat for everyone who helped out**. We went to a Chinese restaurant and i got to sit next to her again! HAHAHAHA. I tried to strike some more interesting conversations but it didn't seem like it was going out too well this day either. Bleh. Ok ok.. give up already!
Dinner was over and we went back to the hall to drop off people at they're cars. On the drive back, i started talking to another girl who i'm friends with in "Bam Mal".. which is a lower form of speech that Koreans talk amongst friends.. when suddently SHE replied. It's actually ironic since the question wasn't pointed at her - but she must have thought so. That just broke the ice. Just like instant ramen.. we got to "friendship" level at that moment.
Some of the girls were scheduled to come over that night and help with flower decorations at my house. She was about to go home when i told her she should come and help. Interestingly she agreed and i got in her car to give her directions. This was the first time i got alone time with her. It was nice. Once at my house, she was having a hard time fusing with the people there and making the decorations. While i went to get some extra tape - she was getting ready to leave. I came back home to find her walking to her car.. Ack..
Me: "Where are you going?"
Her: "Home, my mom told me to come home"
Me: "Um.. wanna go have coffee instead?"
Her: "Sure".. again.. utter disbelief from me after hearing her answer. Did she just agree to have coffee with me??
We went for coffee.. and got into some very interesting conversations about our past.. this and that. I kinda just spilled it all out there.. about how i wasn't such a great J-dub and my personal lifestyle and habits. She seemed to agree with some of the things i was saying and didn't mind that i was spiritually weak. I was rather surprised.. but we had a lot in common and she was able to understand all of my viewpoints during our conversation. I felt comfortable and accepted which was something i feared amongst j-dub females since i'm not the model j-dub look for. Now we had chemistry.
I got her phone number.
At the wedding we talked a little bit but didn't get much of a chance since i was one of the groomsmen. After the wedding we went to BJ's for cocktail and beer. I walked my sister back to her car then heading back into Bj's when i found her walking back to her car to go home.. another incredible coincidence that i catch her right before she leaves. We got to talk for the first time that day privately and off she went.
The day after the wedding i called her up and met up while she was getting her oil change done. We went to go watch a movie and had dinner. It was nice.. she was enjoying it. Kinda of a sudden jump huh? A girl i thought had absolutely no interest in me was having out! I later found out it was cuz she's shy.
That night i had to go back home.. so flew back home.
When i came back to LA.. we started talking on the phone about 4 hours every night from 11pm to 3am.. we were both diggin' eachother and things were great. I flew back up in February 5th.. made this big romantic event for her got her a couple necklace. We started officially bf/gf that day. What did we do you ask? Well.. for starters we had dinner.. we had drinks.. then i took her to this amazing hill in north cal that sees all of silicon valley which is just beautiful. I blind folded her and carried her on my back up the hill where i asked her to be my gf. She said yes. Aww.
We decided to keep everything hush hush. We didn't want anything interfering with our relationship. I kept it from everyone.. except a few close knit friends. At the time i was still spiritually weak and wasn't attending meetings regularly - so it was obvious we weren't going to tell her parents.
March 16 was our 100th day.. and everything was going great! Until May 30.. when i went up north to see her perform a piano recital. Her parents caught on.
NOTE: OMG I thought i just lost my entire post cuz i clicked on a link my friend sent me and this window dissapeared.. THANK GOD for multiple windows on firefox
Anyways - her parents finally caught on.
1. They were tabbing her phone bills since she's on a family plan. They knew 562 area code was where i lived.
2. IT was obvious that i flew 400 miles to see her recital.
They told her to stop dating me. Now that came out of no-where.. for starters - i figured our fathers were friends.. that alone should have brought some security in the relationship but it didn't.
After a long phone conversation about the situation - we broke up.
We got back together after realizing that we really couldn't live w/o each other. We decided to keep things even more on the down low.. and started using calling cards and only text message and MSN Messanger to talk. We even tried using *67 to block numbers on the phone bill.
July 2nd - i went up north to visit her.. and things were good - it was still hush hush and we secretly dated. I bought her a phone so we could talk w/o using her family plan minutes.
July 4th 2005, we broke up again. Somehow.. her dad found out we were still dating.. how? I have no idea. He said he heard.. or he knows. I believe there was a stupid spy.. or X-man who told on us. Probably someone close or an idiot who likes to spread rumors. Anyways.. heart was dis-trout and it was incredibly devastating for me.
End of July we had our summer convention again and i didn't get to talk to her as her dad was in the midst watching over her. A week later - she calls me crying and we once again realized how strong our love for each other was. We began dating again in early August.
From then on everything was going fine, until mid September when her parents found out again from an unknown source that we were still dating. Unable to tell a lie she gave in and told them the truth. Now the last thing i wanted was to break up a third time. I flew the same day she told me up north to ask them for permission and forgiveness.
When i went into their house.. the mood was bad. The dad seemed fragile and sick.. kinda looked fake - the mom was also looking sick. They told me they were sick because of the two of us dating w/o their consent. Ok.. i understand that - so i apologized and told them our intentions were pure and we really loved eachother. The gory detail of the encounter was ugly.. i was polite but couldn't get anything across.. they are stubborn. While i was talking to them instead of sitting next to me she went into her room and just cried.. she's naive and can't stand up for herself yet. Her parents raised her in a box and she depends on them too much to make her own decisions and live her own life.
They still treat her as such - and i believe she won't go very far in life at this pace. The reasons her father gave me for not allowing our courtship:
1. I am 10 months younger than her. He wants her to marry someone who is older. Psh.. nice excuse.
2. Our fathers are friends.. that creates a problem? It could.. but all this time i thought that would make things better and easier for everyone.
He left it at that and even thought i insisted he tell me other reasons.. he said he didn't want to tell me because it might hurt my feelings. Even my attempts to assure him it was ok.. that i flew 400 miles with that in mind he wouldn't tell me. My thought it that it's another stupid reason.. he just simply doesn't like me. I'm not the guy he pictured for his little girl.. and that makes him upset. I shouldn't bad mouth her parents.. specially publicly like this - but it's so frustrating you know? Am i such a bad guy? Am i not even allowed a chance to prove i'm worthy? For god's sake our fathers are friends.. doesn't that mean anything to them? Doesn't her decision in this matter count? Why do they control her like a robot and run her life as if it's a game. Why does she not stand up for herself?
They even play the "i'm sick" card. It's BS.. to this day i don't believe they are sick. It's just they're mind telling them they should be sick because things aren't going their way. Sigh.. and he calls himself an elder. If i had a daughter and i didn't like the guy she was dating - i would at least try to understand and either give him a chance to see it from another perspective. Not just say "NO" period. How fair is that?
That's all i know.. i don't know the exact reason for his refusal to let us just date. I don't know if they are really sick.. and i really don't know what the future holds for me.
Yes.. i'm still frustrated. It sucks to be me. I'm like living a Korean drama.. and i'm hating it. Other people in my midst who are getting married get it off so easy.
I lost my train of though..
August 15, 2005 - she calls me at night sobbing and we break up once again. This time may be for good. We made a promised when getting back together the second time not to ever break up again in any circumstances. The fear of breaking up again was just killing me so we made the pact. It was broken.. and my heart is broken too. I don't like unstable things.. and our relationship was just that. Unstable.
Her dad found out she had a second phone.. so he took that away. WTF. That's not even his. It's HER phone that i gave her.. i don't see what right he has taking it. I'm also upset at her.. she's 25.. grow up. Make a stance in your life and do things that you want to do. Don't be intimated by your parents when your 25. Com'on.. your practically almost lived your younger life. If you live in your parents shadow all your life.. do you think later on you'll be able to come out of it? No. That's why they have terms such as Daddy's girl or Mama's boy. They clinch on for so long they forget how to let go.
People tell me i'm going to have a really hard time in life if i keep dating her.. maybe they were right. She's not at the same maturity level as i am right now. She needs to grow up more. Yes i'm bitter.. i'm pissed. But i'm holding it all inside. "No dad, you can't tell me who i can see and you i can't." Is that so hard to say? OH yeah, did i forget to mention her dad threated her to disown her if she didn't break up with me? Nuts.
Well.. that's the end of my story. I wonder how many of you got to the end... cuz it's so freakin long. It's been about a year i wrote this much in a single day. I shall end it with a quote.
"Don't live your life as it's the end, but live it as if it's just the beginning"
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